Flies, seething maggots and overpowering stench. And that was just breakfast *picks up drumsticks for drum roll and cymbal crash*

Tara Fitzgerald

I can't invest - I'M OUT

Mashed-up body parts smeared across ceiling and walls appear to be the new woodchip. Not sure it’ll catch on in B&Q.

Right from the start the unfortunate actors were burdened with overly technical language – if you want that stuff to sound like proper acting, get Holly Aird in to do it (she was just masterful in Identity). Plus she has previous – she’s even appeared in a few episodes of Waking the Dead.

Keith Allen was the real revelation – not only did he just about manage to keep a straight face, but he UNDERPLAYED the role – slight flicker of an eyelid here, half shrug of a shoulder there. He was the centre of calm in flurry of technobabble.

Not sure about the US-style yellow police tape and the convenient diagnosis given to an anxious family around their loved-one’s hospital bed. “The doctors tell us stuff… but they just use all that jargon.” “Do you want me to translate it for you?”

No – I want you to go away and write a more believable script.

All of the above might be grossly unfair as the episode could well have picked up dramatically after the 25 minute mark, which is when I bailed. I’ve just not got the stomach for all that gore.

The Guardian Guide review suggested the first episode was just trying too hard. I think maybe it didn’t try hard enough. Is this really the best the BBC can do? I’m sure a lot of people worked very hard to make this programme (it looked good) and I wouldn’t want to dismiss their efforts – but someone needed to step back and do some quality assurance testing.



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